“For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;” -Romans 3:22-24
One of my most memorable moments of young children was at the home of a friend where we had gathered for a birthday party. Our friend’s youngest child, at one point, came running out of the house amidst great tears announcing to the world his moral outrage, “It’s not fair! It’s not fair!” The child could not have been much more than 2 years old. So how did this child develop such a keen and dreadful sense of “fairness” at such a young age? Could it be that we are created with a God given conscience that early on raises its head in absolute indignation at perceived wrongs? Is there a universal sense of rightness and wrongness stamped on our image? And where did that come from?
Dr. Frans de Waal, an Emory University primatologist, spoke recently and demonstrated how primates share with us traits of fairness and moral outrage in some very unique experiments. His point was to show how a sense of morality could evolve without religion or God. It was troubling at first to witness this clear and undeniable demonstration. As Christians, we believe man is uniquely different from the animal kingdom especially when it comes to morality. Mankind has generally prided itself on its finely developed moral code embedded in law and government that sets us apart from the laws of the jungle. Dr. de Waal suggested we were just sitting a little higher up the evolutionary ladder from our ancestors and aren’t all that different.
Troubled, I began to reflect on just how different we are from the animals. One can surely see that there are many human emotions that are mimicked in the animal kingdom. Playfulness, anger, loyalty, loneliness, empathy, and even sorrow are to be found among our animal friends. Dr. de Waal has now demonstrated that chimps can exhibit a sense of fairness and moral outrage when suffering unequal treatment.
As much as our very concepts of “right” and “wrong” are still, in themselves, indicators of the existence of a moral universe, especially when they are so universally similar around the world, this is not the key factor that marks us as uniquely different. Everyone knows not to mess with a dog’s dish while he is eating. What truly marks us as unique is our sense of guilt; a lingering remorse over wrongful doing. It is real and it is painful. While we can see examples of empathetic sorrow in the animal kingdom, what we don’t see are examples of animals driven to suicide through their complicity in evil. But we as humans do it all the time; every day, in fact. While we can get some relief from the pain of guilt through the forgiveness of others, there is a very real sense of guilt for the very self-centered nature we share with Adam. That sense of guilt finds no solution on earth. It is an offense against God our creator that cannot be muted, forgotten, or easily erased as much as we might try. Freud says it is a societal construct imposed by others. Marx says it was invented as a means of control by the upper classes. Dawkins would say it is just silly; a waste of time. Just maybe it is real, and it cries out from the ground of our being every bit as much as Abel’s blood cried out from the ground to God.
I had to remove a student from a kindergarten class not too long ago for not cooperating with her teacher. It was a first for me. She sat the rest of the day with a sour and painful expression on her face. After an earnest meeting with her father that night, the young student came to school the next day along with a big shiny apple she insisted on giving to her teacher. Suitable apologies were made and reconciliation was achieved. Following school, she ran down to her mother and with a beaming expression she cried out, “I’m forgiven! I’m forgiven!” No primate will ever know such joy. And such should be ours day after day as we walk in God’s forgiveness. Such is the privilege of being fully human and fully a child of His.
Mercy and Truth, Mr. Moe
Showing posts with label psychology. Show all posts
Showing posts with label psychology. Show all posts
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Wednesday, June 01, 2011
I am what I am
“But by the grace of God I am what I am” -I Cor. 15:10
Who am I? I admit I still couldn’t give you a complete and definitive answer to that question even after living with myself for these 66 years. We see through a glass darkly, but there is coming a day in which we shall know even as we are known. Until that day comes, I must dwell content with knowing only an outline of the shadows of who I am. I can tell you a lot about myself now, but when I was 12 and 13 years old, I had hardly a clue as to who I was. The only true ground of being in my life at that time was a distinct experience of God’s love for me for which I was very grateful. I had come to know that I was a child of his and precious in his sight. That was a huge help. Other than that, I could not begin to grasp just what kind of person I was and what gifts or abilities lay within. It was as though I walked the ground of my being, to which I held clear title, but had no way of telling what lay beneath my feet be it hard clay, fertile loam, rich in mineral wealth, or barren dirt.
It was told me the other day that this is the first of three things necessary to living a fulfilled life: to know who we are. That question has sharp and definite spiritual dimensions with tremendous doctrinal overtones. Yes, we need to know who we are in Christ for that is our true destiny. It is cause for Biblical study, teaching, and meditation for our enemy is out to steal, kill, and destroy the image of God in which we were made. He can do that through poisoning our minds with a thousand negative thoughts.
Yet there still remains a huge area of existence which we naturally question on this earthly plane. Who am I? Am I super intelligent or just average? Am I gifted at anything in particular, or am I totally talentless? Am I a people person or is a life of humble service in the shadows my lot? Am I a verbal person able to bend ears to my voice or do I make a fool of myself when speaking openly? Am I an independent person who needs no friends, or am I desperately lonely without others? Am I creative or better off following directions? Am I blessed by heredity to position, power, and great expectations, or am I doomed to anonymity?
The Apostle Paul had an acute identity crisis first priding himself as a persecutor of the church and then discovering a totally new self after being thrown down in the dust of the Damascus road. From a Pharisee of the Pharisees, he became a believer and eventually described himself as “the least” of the Apostles. With time, he came to accept this tortured progression, and he made a short but classic acknowledgement of the peace that he had made with himself. “I am what I am.” In that simple phrase, he declared that he had looked within and was no longer wishing he were something else other than what God had created and placed within him.
Our children are desperately plagued by questions of who they are. These questions reach their tortuous peak in the transition years between elementary and high school. Eventually they will come to know who they are as human beings, complicated yet gifted, creative yet flawed, unique but yet so familiar. In the meantime, we can help them by affirming the gifts and propensities we see emerging in them. We can build a wall of protective and assuring love around them that will withstand the doubts sown by the enemy. We can help them understand who they are in Christ as children of the Heavenly Father with all the rights and privileges therewith.
One day, we pray, they will be able to say with a sense of acceptance and contentment, “I am what I am”: not as a resignation of slothful indifference, but as a prayer of gratefulness for the uniqueness by which they have been created. And from there they go on to find a sense of mission and purpose for that uniqueness. May we be instruments of His grace in opening young eyes to the treasures beneath their feet.
Mercy and Truth, Mr. Moe
Who am I? I admit I still couldn’t give you a complete and definitive answer to that question even after living with myself for these 66 years. We see through a glass darkly, but there is coming a day in which we shall know even as we are known. Until that day comes, I must dwell content with knowing only an outline of the shadows of who I am. I can tell you a lot about myself now, but when I was 12 and 13 years old, I had hardly a clue as to who I was. The only true ground of being in my life at that time was a distinct experience of God’s love for me for which I was very grateful. I had come to know that I was a child of his and precious in his sight. That was a huge help. Other than that, I could not begin to grasp just what kind of person I was and what gifts or abilities lay within. It was as though I walked the ground of my being, to which I held clear title, but had no way of telling what lay beneath my feet be it hard clay, fertile loam, rich in mineral wealth, or barren dirt.
It was told me the other day that this is the first of three things necessary to living a fulfilled life: to know who we are. That question has sharp and definite spiritual dimensions with tremendous doctrinal overtones. Yes, we need to know who we are in Christ for that is our true destiny. It is cause for Biblical study, teaching, and meditation for our enemy is out to steal, kill, and destroy the image of God in which we were made. He can do that through poisoning our minds with a thousand negative thoughts.
Yet there still remains a huge area of existence which we naturally question on this earthly plane. Who am I? Am I super intelligent or just average? Am I gifted at anything in particular, or am I totally talentless? Am I a people person or is a life of humble service in the shadows my lot? Am I a verbal person able to bend ears to my voice or do I make a fool of myself when speaking openly? Am I an independent person who needs no friends, or am I desperately lonely without others? Am I creative or better off following directions? Am I blessed by heredity to position, power, and great expectations, or am I doomed to anonymity?
The Apostle Paul had an acute identity crisis first priding himself as a persecutor of the church and then discovering a totally new self after being thrown down in the dust of the Damascus road. From a Pharisee of the Pharisees, he became a believer and eventually described himself as “the least” of the Apostles. With time, he came to accept this tortured progression, and he made a short but classic acknowledgement of the peace that he had made with himself. “I am what I am.” In that simple phrase, he declared that he had looked within and was no longer wishing he were something else other than what God had created and placed within him.
Our children are desperately plagued by questions of who they are. These questions reach their tortuous peak in the transition years between elementary and high school. Eventually they will come to know who they are as human beings, complicated yet gifted, creative yet flawed, unique but yet so familiar. In the meantime, we can help them by affirming the gifts and propensities we see emerging in them. We can build a wall of protective and assuring love around them that will withstand the doubts sown by the enemy. We can help them understand who they are in Christ as children of the Heavenly Father with all the rights and privileges therewith.
One day, we pray, they will be able to say with a sense of acceptance and contentment, “I am what I am”: not as a resignation of slothful indifference, but as a prayer of gratefulness for the uniqueness by which they have been created. And from there they go on to find a sense of mission and purpose for that uniqueness. May we be instruments of His grace in opening young eyes to the treasures beneath their feet.
Mercy and Truth, Mr. Moe
Thursday, September 09, 2010
media
“So then, brethren, we are not children of the bondwoman, but of the free.” KJV Galatians 4:31
I am old enough to remember living through the 1960’s when revolutionary changes were rocking our cultural world. We didn’t realize it at the time, but “free speech” agitation on college campuses opened the gateway for all forms of profanity in the public forum and the right to protest, nay, denigrate all cultural norms and icons. Black Power salutes on Olympic platforms and the burning of the American flag as protected rights were some of the inevitable results. In the midst of the storm, it was hard to assess the damage or long term effects.
We are going through a wind storm of change at the present, and it is hard to see just where it will land us. One thing is for sure, we are definitely not in Kansas anymore. Our children are not just using technology at a pace undreamed of ever before, they are becoming obsessive and compulsive in their use of it. The Kaiser Family Foundation reported the results of a study in January saying that daily media use among young people had risen to 7 hours and 38 minutes per day, 7 days per week. When you separate combined use such as listening to an ipod while texting, the number rises to 10 hours 45 minutes per day. Either easily eclipses any full-time job.
That is not all bad news in the eyes of many. Our young are developing multi-tasking skills and honing them to a degree unparalleled in previous generations, a very positive outcome in an increasingly competitive world where efficiency is paramount. Young people are also totally fearless when it comes to new technology and embrace it eagerly with a thirst that is unnerving to their parents. There is also a familiarity with accessing untold numbers of sources and prodigious amounts of information that continues to amaze their teachers. Powerful graphics and visual effects are as much a part of their daily repertoire of available tricks as riding a bicycle or bobbing a yo-yo was to my teen-age peers.
The concerns are piling up as well. Tom Kersting, a student assistance coordinator as well as a psychotherapist, worries that the new media is creating “digital zombies” whose addiction to this flood of instant entertainment and communication is having a negative effect upon the way in which youth think, process information, and relate to one another.* Because they communicate in short, quick bursts of information, they are having a difficult time developing critical-thinking and problem-solving skills. Kersting is concerned that students are losing the ability to communicate in person with one another, a definite skill that is necessary to navigate complex social situations. Teen-agers now are confessing that they would rather text than actually talk on a phone. Another psychologist, Andy Yeager, questions its effect upon the development of the teen-age brain in its ability to plan ahead, foresee consequences, set long-term goals, and work through them. English teachers are horrified at the mutilation of our language and all constraints of grammar that are now passing for common, everyday, acceptable usage. Taken together, we easily share a “collective shiver” at future prospects.
My simple and unlicensed lament is the loss of basic manipulative skills I see in the rising generations. I look to them to untangle my drivers and internet options, but they look to me for help in hanging a picture. Studs? What are those? Sheet rock? You mean it’s hollow? Painting a wall is like learning a foreign language. Cooking is something the Colonel does. Sewing is an ancient art. And a dripping toilet is something only a plumber could possibly understand. Perhaps I exaggerate. Yet I feel the corrosive effects in my own life as one who was raised to “do it yourself.” My fingers spend more time at a keyboard than manipulating the strings on my acoustic guitar. I have to pry myself away from email to work in my shop. I do not want to become a one-dimensional person, bond-servant to an electronic mistress whose siren call has already enslaved so many. May we be wise enough to recognize the obsessions and compulsions of our age and keep a healthy distance.
*Knoxville News-Sentinel, 8-10-2010, p. D2, “Hours spent plugged in change kids thinking”
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Thanksgiving
The Lord will accomplish what concerns me. – Ps. 138:8
Or will He? Upon the verse above hangs so much of the emotional momentum of the human heart. David imbeds this line in a Psalm filled with praise and thanksgiving to the Lord. And as we enter the Thanksgiving season, we will be challenged to bend our knee to our God and, through the eyes of faith, say, “The Lord will accomplish what concerns me.” It is the essence of thanksgiving to be content with the grace meted out to each of us.
It is of great concern to the teachers of our day who see angry children in their classroom. Some have good cause to be when their parents drag them through divisive and horrible relationships, when they are victims of indifference forced to raise themselves in loveless homes, or worse yet, when they become innocent subjects of predatory adults. Such anger may be understandable but is, nevertheless, quite deadly to all concerned, especially the bearer. Anger is the antithesis of thankfulness and ulcerates a steady poison of bitterness to the soul. It is an emotion that we were never built to bear.
Most of the people I meet and the children we teach have little real reason to be angry. That is no matter, however, because the human heart is capable of magnifying even the most simple of offenses into mounds of resentment. You can do it, and so can I. For children, it is even easier. One child may wrestle with the sudden loss of a parent while another can be tempted into great bitterness because a living parent denies them their own TV. From there, it is a simple step to blame God for the curse of hateful or impoverished parents. I was tempted to anger against God for my appearance as a young man. After all, He made me.
Do we have some angry children at CFC? No doubt, for the same reason you and I struggle with resentment at the misfortunes we encounter in our lives. All children go through times and seasons of anger ranging from a brief pout to raging shouting matches. Not a pretty sight. What is of significant concern is the slow, simmering anger that resides just below the surface over substantial periods of time.
What can be done? First of all, we need to look within. We cannot expect spirits of gratefulness from our children if we still cling to our own resentments. Forgiveness for others and a quiet acceptance of our own place in God’s economy is essential in removing the speck in the eye of our child. Second, we need patient and loving relationships that will enable us to unlock the hearts of our children. It is inherently embarrassing for us all to admit the things we hold against God. Third, I would hope that we could model a heart that is composed and quieted like a weaned child resting against his mother (Ps. 131:2). How powerful are the stories of repentance and rest which we have experienced in giving over our own episodes of anger unto the Lord. Fourth, I would advocate a continual besieging of that stronghold until it is broken; not with threats or punishments, but with a quiet declaration that we know that the issues of the heart are of the utmost priority.
I think the most common parental error is that of inaction out of fear. Do we dare open that box of our child’s fears and resentments? What will we find? When our children turned “of age”, we made it a practice of asking them if there were moments, actions, or practices in our household and parenting which they remembered with particular clarity colored by feelings of injustice. We were genuinely fearful of what we would discover. To our relief, no one recounted any even though we, as parents, could have suggested a few. Perhaps it is time we all ask ourselves if we have undeclared grievances against God and if we truly believe that the Lord will accomplish what concerns us. Freedom to praise depends on it.
Or will He? Upon the verse above hangs so much of the emotional momentum of the human heart. David imbeds this line in a Psalm filled with praise and thanksgiving to the Lord. And as we enter the Thanksgiving season, we will be challenged to bend our knee to our God and, through the eyes of faith, say, “The Lord will accomplish what concerns me.” It is the essence of thanksgiving to be content with the grace meted out to each of us.
It is of great concern to the teachers of our day who see angry children in their classroom. Some have good cause to be when their parents drag them through divisive and horrible relationships, when they are victims of indifference forced to raise themselves in loveless homes, or worse yet, when they become innocent subjects of predatory adults. Such anger may be understandable but is, nevertheless, quite deadly to all concerned, especially the bearer. Anger is the antithesis of thankfulness and ulcerates a steady poison of bitterness to the soul. It is an emotion that we were never built to bear.
Most of the people I meet and the children we teach have little real reason to be angry. That is no matter, however, because the human heart is capable of magnifying even the most simple of offenses into mounds of resentment. You can do it, and so can I. For children, it is even easier. One child may wrestle with the sudden loss of a parent while another can be tempted into great bitterness because a living parent denies them their own TV. From there, it is a simple step to blame God for the curse of hateful or impoverished parents. I was tempted to anger against God for my appearance as a young man. After all, He made me.
Do we have some angry children at CFC? No doubt, for the same reason you and I struggle with resentment at the misfortunes we encounter in our lives. All children go through times and seasons of anger ranging from a brief pout to raging shouting matches. Not a pretty sight. What is of significant concern is the slow, simmering anger that resides just below the surface over substantial periods of time.
What can be done? First of all, we need to look within. We cannot expect spirits of gratefulness from our children if we still cling to our own resentments. Forgiveness for others and a quiet acceptance of our own place in God’s economy is essential in removing the speck in the eye of our child. Second, we need patient and loving relationships that will enable us to unlock the hearts of our children. It is inherently embarrassing for us all to admit the things we hold against God. Third, I would hope that we could model a heart that is composed and quieted like a weaned child resting against his mother (Ps. 131:2). How powerful are the stories of repentance and rest which we have experienced in giving over our own episodes of anger unto the Lord. Fourth, I would advocate a continual besieging of that stronghold until it is broken; not with threats or punishments, but with a quiet declaration that we know that the issues of the heart are of the utmost priority.
I think the most common parental error is that of inaction out of fear. Do we dare open that box of our child’s fears and resentments? What will we find? When our children turned “of age”, we made it a practice of asking them if there were moments, actions, or practices in our household and parenting which they remembered with particular clarity colored by feelings of injustice. We were genuinely fearful of what we would discover. To our relief, no one recounted any even though we, as parents, could have suggested a few. Perhaps it is time we all ask ourselves if we have undeclared grievances against God and if we truly believe that the Lord will accomplish what concerns us. Freedom to praise depends on it.
Monday, May 07, 2007
Self Esteem
“For God so loved the world…” -John 3:16
There is a new public service announcement out. It features Mariska Hargitay who says “If you like you, everyone else will too.” One of my high school students went to the national motivational seminar in Knoxville last week and took home a message about not listening to anyone else’s viewpoint about ones’ self, especially if it is negative. My wife and I recently reminisced about how many of our own college days were absorbed by our own insecurities and how much more we could have accomplished if we had only felt less afraid about who we were. And how often have adult friends shared stories about how their own parents filled them with feelings of insecurity and inadequacy that still continue to plague them?
Out of this fertile ground of our insecurities and self-doubts sprung the self-esteem movement. It tried to reassure us that both you and I were okay. It spawned numerous seminars, books, and self-help classes to say nothing of the efforts at building self-esteem among our school-age population. From there, it just seemed to be a natural progression to eliminating the sources of negative self-esteem. Grades were suspect, tracking was denounced, testing was dethroned, and everyone was encouraged to think they could do anything they put into their minds to do. Never was heard a discouraging word and the skies were not cloudy all day.
Like any humanistic movement and lie, there lay a kernel of truth at the core. Yes, we are born into this world as a 7-pound bundle of fears. We bear a terrible burden that we were never intended to bear: free, moral autonomy. And because it is an impossible load to carry, we wrestle with very, real guilt along with all the cast off remnants of parental and societal failings. The insecurities we feel are quite real, and the most, deservedly so.
But there is no healing power in a blind mantra that keeps repeating, “I’m okay. I’m okay.” Those who actually come to believe that often morph into arrogant monsters that no one can live with. I find little in myself to love so how can I truly love myself? There is ultimately only one means of reconciling myself to myself, and that is to see myself as God sees me. He knows it all, the failings and the filth, and yet he places great value on me. He comes and deals with the moral guilt, buries it in the deepest sea, and adopts me as His son. I am worthy because He said so, and the price of my ransom was high.
Next to that, the love of friends and family pales by comparison in its redemptive power. But because we are God’s body in this world, we can be the instruments of communicating His grace; “God’s love with fingers and toes.” I have to have God’s love and forgiveness, but that which comes through human agency is powerfully reassuring as well. It takes the form of the good Samaritan who picks up my battered spirit and nurses it back to health, reflecting the grace of God at work in us all.
I say all this to encourage parents to love your children with all the love that God puts in you. Your arms are a welcome flesh and blood embodiment of God’s love, and I think He meant it to be that way. I knew no one in my life as a child who could extend that act of grace to me. Many of our parents never experienced it given to them. How many sons have gone off seeking the reassuring love of their mothers in the arms of strange women? How many daughters have sought the love of their fathers in the embrace of young men? Love your children. Not blindly, but purposely, redemptively, and passionately. It grounds the spirit of a child like nothing else.
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