Deadly Doubt

“You of little faith, why did you doubt?” -Matt. 14:31

Pity poor Peter. Here he goes and joins Jesus walking on water, demonstrating beyond words that the Master has power over wind and wave and that he is willing to trust in that by jumping overboard himself. Then, all so shortly after his triumph of faith and example, he starts to doubt and sink. The first impulse to pitch over the side of the boat was his finest moment. His action screamed to all, “Follow me.” But then the wetness of that water had to have drawn his eyes down to his feet, miraculously suspended over nothingness, and the thought had to have occurred to him, “What have I just done?” As soon as the heart started to sink, so did the feet.

Doubt always seems to haunt our finest accomplishments. A long time past in a place far away, I knew of a young man who had spent a carefully calculated year of his life building a house for his young family. The land was paid for. The materials had been carefully laid up in advance. The design utilized rough-sawn boards from a mill. The aim was to be debt free. The house grew steadily all that summer with the help of a few friends and was ready to move into by winter’s first freeze. A good hard freeze did come a bit sooner than expected and a still exposed pipe froze under the house. Alone, he crawled under the house and spent some considerable time with a torch in a fruitless effort to thaw the frozen pipe. Frustration and doubts grew by the minute and were certainly exaggerated by the year’s toil and weariness. Finally, he gave up, and as he emerged from that crawl space, he threw down the torch in a pile of scrap-wood, walked off in dejected defeat, and said to himself, “I’ve created a monster.” The house burned to the ground as a total loss.

I saw that house shortly before it burned. It was beautiful in its artful simplicity; a masterpiece of economy and style. I had praised the plan as brilliant, the workmanship as of the highest order. A single doubt undermined and destroyed the dream of years in one, heart-sick day. But strange as it may seem, I understood the defeated spirit that had undercut my friend. Have not we all experienced the same struggle on a thousand fronts so many times before? None, perhaps, with such catastrophic consequences. But nevertheless, we know the dark moments of doubt that persistently dog our finest moments; especially our finest moments.

My best sermons, my finest prayers, my most labored woodworking efforts, my most profound contributions to conversation or print are almost always followed by doubt. The master doubt planter comes and sows those seeds in the small hours of the morning. “What have you done now? My, but that was silly. Can you actually believe you said (or did) that?” Even the great cooks in my family never fail to place their best creations on the table without disclaimers and doubts. “Is it good? Do you like it?” I think this continued curse to mankind of fear and doubt comes from the same one who uttered those eternally deadly words, “Hath God said?”

It is one thing to live with some healthy humility that includes room for self-imposed questioning. It is quite another thing to see good things, to see hopes and dreams die under a crushing load of doubt. It certainly enters the mind of every newly married person at some point or other, “Have I just made the biggest mistake of my life?” And tragically, far too many succumb to it. We bring children into the world and pour ourselves into their parenting only to confront the horrors of doubt in the lonely moments of our soul.

It was said of Daniel that he could dissolve doubts (Dan. 5:12). We sure could use him from time to time. But his source of strength is available to all; even today. And may we be ever willing to extend hope to the hopeless. It is a ministry as sorely needed as any; the ministry of encouragement. Who about us is peering into the abyss and in need of a steady hand and a good word?

Mercy and Truth, Mr. Moe